Welcome boys and girls! So you want to be famous? Well here’s how to do it— I present to you the stages of celebrity culture!
Stage 1: The Obscure Stage: This is also known as the beginners stage where no one knows who the hell you are and quite frankly no one gives a shit about you. In this stage, you desperately want the cool kids to notice that song you wrote about how much your ex-girlfriend was a mega bitch. However, you quickly realize that the cool kids are too cool to take notice, plus the song is total crap. But deep on the inside yo know that your a badass motherfucker that will soon convert the naysayers into believers.
Stage 2: The “I’m a Part of a Scene” Stage: This is also known as The Pure Stage. This is the stage where a small community of like-minded folks begin to take ear to what you have to say, and you begin to build a small, but faithful audience. This is known as the pure stage, because it’s right before you develop a Kayne West size ego and the purist (that once hailed you as an indie darling) turn their backs on you for becoming a “sellout.” Which perfectly leads to stage 3…
Stage 3: The Sellout Stage: This is the stage where your “indie cred” goes straight out of the window, and instead the mainstream media—along with the kids who hated you in high school for being too “weird”— suddenly find your art credible, or at least marketable. In this stage, you will lose your core audience (all 10 of them) for becoming too commercial. Instead, you will become a media darling/household name/SUV CD favorite for bobble-head soccer moms across suburbia, also known as mainstream America.
Stage 4: The Has-been Stage: This is also known as The Crucifixion Stage. In this stage the once adoring media (aka some phony-ass motherfuckers) who made it seem as if you could do no wrong, will suddenly monitor and judge your every move—even if it has nothing to do with your art! Suddenly everything you do after your first initial success will be compared to that first initial success. And if you can’t deliver the goods, out you go. You will also find yourself in gossip blogs who were written by angry middle-age fat people who were never told that they were special enough in life. This is the stage where the media forgets that your human and will come up with mean spirited one liners that will be retweeted by equally mean spirited brace face teenage girls. But don’t despair, you moment of glory is on its way…
Stage 5: The Resurrection: This is also known as The Romantic Tragedy Stage. This is the stage where you shockingly and unexpectedly die. This is the stage where the same people who mocked you and declared you a whack job, will suddenly remember that you were freakin’ awesome. They will say things like how great you were and how sad your death is. In fact, the media will emphasize the sadness of your death by beating it over the head of the general public over and over again, running the same headline at the top of the hour of every fucking hour. Suddenly people who never liked your work, will become “true fans.”
Stage 6: Your Worth. This is the final stage where you are measured by your worth—not your worth as a human being (who needs that shit). No, no my friend, you will be measured by how much your worth—as in the dollar, dollar y’all. In this final stage, you will become a media circus. Your spending habits will be analyze along with who in your inner circle( your wife, kids, lawyers, publicist, and that guy you have no idea why you hired for a job that was never necessary in the first place) gets what. This is also the stage where countless unauthorized auto biographies and “tell-all” books will be written about you by people who actually didn’t know shit about you. In this stage, you will no longer be viewed as a mere mortal, no my friend—you will become the final product of celebrity evolution—you will become a demi-god.
So there you have it boys and girls, welcome to celebrity culture, also known as the most disgusting culture on the fucking planet. Now smile like you mean it, it’s showtime! ;)
Yep! This sums us up pretty perfectly! Love it! :)
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